*Sigh*

1) I feel terrible... still :/

2) I've basically cancelled meeting up with Tom, although I left it open in case I start to feel any better (which sometimes happens)

3) I was mean to him just a minute ago :(
He said that I should go to the doctors, and perhaps he's right. It's just that I've felt similar to this before and I got better. It was a few years ago, but still...
Also, I don't want to risk going there and coming back with something much worse than I've got. A simple flu could potentially kill my mum.
I'm terrified of doctors/hospitals and if they tried to do anything to me (e.g. a blood test) then I'd go mental and have a breakdown.
Even if they give me medication, I can't take it. I will just throw up any medicine or pills. I get depressed when I have to take them.
I don't know what to even say to the doctors. I have no symptoms tbh. I just feel like shit. It's much worse in the mornings and usually better by night. Sometimes I feel slightly sick, but I rarely have any pains. I just feel run down, depressed and weak etc.
I just don't see how I'm going to benefit from it right now.

4) Facebook is all fucked up. An error message came up this morning. I didn't read it because I couldn't pay attention properly. It said something about running scripts. I don't know what I clicked. Anyway, Facebook's now written in Times New Roman and Courier New fonts, nothing fits on the page properly and it's generally a pile of crap. That has pissed me off today.

5) I'm fed up of not eating properly. If you read this blog then you already know parts of the story. Basically, I'm afraid of food and won't eat "normal" things because it makes me feel sick. On the plus side, I've lost half a stone.

6) I've watched 18 fucking DVD's in about 4 days. The only one I enjoyed was Jimmy Carr. I would be very grateful if my dad went out and bought/rented me some new ones. My brain just turns off when I know what's going to happen every single time. Not only that, but it's depressing.

7) I'm still freaked out about the dream I had last night.
I doubt it will make any sense to you lot, but here it is anyway.
Me and Stuart went into Dorothy Perkins together, only it was like a chip shop/bakery. I asked the woman behind the counter if she had anything "light and fluffy." She pointed to something, but I couldn't see it because I was too small. I just nodded and agreed that I would buy it. We waited a few minutes and she handed over this big, white plate of boiled carrots and potatoes. Stuart then decided that he wanted to eat in, so we sat on the bench in the front of the shop, with the plate on our laps. He was eating all the carrots and I was eating all the potatoes. (I'm not sure why that concerned because because I fudging hate carrots) Anyway, afterwards, I wanted to buy a cake. Stuart suggested that we went to Waitrose, seeing as everything else had shut. I looks at my watch (even though I never wear one) and it was 5:56. I was like "Oh SHIT. It shuts in 4 minutes, we better run." We made it there just in time, even if it was still really busy. I was looking frantically at all their chocolate cakes, but I couldn't find the one that I wanted. I picked up a massive round one that was £11 and began to walk away with it. Then I said "dad will kill me if I buy this", so I put it back. I looked again for a smaller cake and the only one I could find had the top missing from it. I picked it up and went to the till. I was about to pay for it with a £20 note, expecting it to be expensive, but he asked me if I had any change because it was only £1. Then we walked outside and it was dark.
This is the part where I woke up, feeling confused and quite horrified. It was a bad feeling dream, but I can't work out why because nothing much exactly happened.

8) I'm really uncomfortable laying in bed. The pillows keep sliding underneath the matress somehow, and it's making my back ache. I would push the matress up, but I don't have the strength. This pisses me off.

9) Tom just signed in and didn't start a conversation. This means that he's still pissed with me (N) Either that or he's just giving me some time. Time that I probably need, but still.

10) I'm really worried that I've already thrown my geography GCSE away. I've done none of the coursework :S I mean NONE at all. I want to do it, but have no motivation. I'm already too far behind and I hate the fucker.

I shall leave it there because I'm even starting to bore myself.

Have a nice day. I know I won't.