Wednesday, 1 April 2009

I'm so fucking fed up with living. I really can't be bothered. If I had the guts to, then I would just go and commit suicide. What the fuck do I have to live for? I have no goals for the future, I don't know what I want to do or who I want to be. I think I've had enough of it now. I'm at the point where I don't give a fucking shit about anything. What's the point of me even finishing school? Nothing is ever good enough for anyone. I always get my work thrown back into my face. I try so hard to do the best I can, but my best is never good enough. I have no motivation to do anything. Why would I? Who cares if I fail my exam and drop out of school? I don't. Not anymore. I'm fed up of doing everything wrong. I'm always going to be a negative person so I might as well learn to deal with it now. I'm sure I'll be fine later, but right now I don't feel it. I just want to go to sleep and never wake up. I just get the feeling that it would be so much better. I'd never have to go through any of this shit.
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6 comments:

  1. jaboodi1 April 2009 at 19:32

    You probably won't believe it but I know how you feel, that's how I felt a couple of weeks ago, I just wanted to die. I didn't feel like anything I could do was good enough. All I can think of is that I was horrible and everyone hated me and I could never do anything.

    All I can say is that you just have to keep going, it will get better even if it doesn't feel like it or you can't see it ever happening. Just remember you have me and your other friends and we all love you and you are intelligent. Everyone's just trying to get the best out of you, they can't see how difficult it is.

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  2. Sarah1 April 2009 at 19:57

    I wish they could see how difficult it was. I wish there was a way for people to see what I was thinking. Maybe they would understand where I was coming from. No one seems to care.

    Nothing I ever do is good enough though. It's so frustrating and it makes me angry more than anything. I'm so wound up. I don't understand that science coursework at all and I'll never get it in on time and Mrs. Kay is being a wanker as well. I have 13 improvements to make by tomorrow? Fucking ridiculous.

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  3. jaboodi1 April 2009 at 20:07

    well if you can't get it done then you can't get it done, just put up with mrs kay being a bitch.

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  4. random tangerine2 April 2009 at 09:08

    I know the feeling. What keeps us going on? The will to survive? I don't know!
    I feel like I want to live alone my entire life. But---it is true, what Jasmin said, Life DOES get better. It's kind of a roller coaster, and i HOPE it's hardest during the teenage years, because I'm almost out of them, and i just want to STOP CHANGING and let life normalize.

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  5. Sarah2 April 2009 at 17:41

    I didn't make all the improvements in the end. I tried really hard but then sorta went "fuck it" and just handed it in unfinished. :S

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  6. Sarah2 April 2009 at 17:44

    I'd love to live alone, to rely on nobody but myself. I know how much I need other people though, so that will never be a possibility. I'm just fed up of being let down and annoyed.

    Yeah, let's hope that life is hardest during the teenage years. If it gets any shittier than this then I'm not going to bother anymore.

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